Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. … It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems – American Psychological Association
The definition of anger changes from country to country, while in America, it is a way to express negative feelings, in India, as the culture goes, it is always advised to avoid anger.
The ancient Indian wisdom believes in not getting affected by people’s actions or reactions. Among the six enemies (Shad-Ripu) of human being, anger is one of the top most one. In Indian scenario, it is told to manage anger using different techniques. One such effective technique is meditation.
The question is all people do not get angry to the same extent, it majorly depends upon person’s temperament and the factors that affect him internally. But as per Indian ethos, anger has to be avoided, if you cannot avoid anger then the mind has to be trained in order to manage or control it. Because it hurts you more than anyone else and can lead to worst situations. It can even lead to a disastrous outcome.
“Anger is just one letter short of danger. “
If you are angry, you are likely to get into a dangerous zone. The non thinking, reacting zone is very tempting while you are angry which may cause enormous harm to body and mind.
“Sometimes I get to a point of frustration that I just become silent.” Gorgeous Glendy
Getting silent while having a turmoil inside your heart is always dangerous. A turmoil may cause mental trouble and thereby impairing the capacity to think over an issue. As long as the silence helps you analyze the situation after a bout of frustration, it is a good sign. Finding out solution after understanding and analyzing the issue behind frustration is one of the processes of anger management.
If you study history of your anger you will find that there are some similarities to the situations which make you angry. Just because you are angry doesn’t mean that you can be cruel, which applies to parents and their behavior with their children. Parental cruelty laws are so strong in United States of America that parents will never do any kind of harm to their children, in case of any harm parents can be jailed. Some laws related to parental cruelty are here in India too but their application to different scenario is very less.
Forgive people in your life, even those who are not sorry for their actions.
In your circle there may be different types of people with different temperament and different cultural understandings. Keeping these three aspects in mind, and giving enough considerations, it is easy to forgive people even if they are not sorry for their actions. The educational background of the people you are dealing with also plays an important role. The exposure which they have got to the worldly situations may make them act in certain way hurting you unnecessarily, for this you have to analyze the situation and then forgive generously. Reacting would not help, acting wisely would help.
Holding onto anger, having a grudge is going to hurt you not them. Forgiving but not forgetting the wrong doing of the concerned person may prevent you from doing similar mistakes. People don’t change and if you make them feel that you forgive their wrong doings easily, the possibility is that they may take you for granted.
In situations like this you have to be assertive. Being assertive means expressing yourself without hesitation. Also acting, not reacting angrily. It is worthwhile to keep in mind that when you react, you loose your mind, when you act you use your mind.
“Make your anger so expensive that people can’t afford it, make your happiness so cheap that people can almost get it free”
Nothing should deter you or shake you, it should be very difficult for people to make you angry. But if you are happy all the time, people will come closer to you to share your happiness which is a win win situation for you.
Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.
This is one of the best ways to be alert while being in a situation which can make you angry. Always think of words which you are going to speak especially in provoking situation. The tongue has been made very strong by lord almighty, any wound on the tongue gets healed fast but the wounds tongue creates by speaking cannot be healed forever.
“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” – Budhdha
Your anger is an emotion, which has a very natural occurrence in your body, mind and soul. But if it stays for a longer time, it will punish you. The balance which generally exists between mind, body and soul can be totally disturbed by anger, which may prove dangerous over a course of time. So it is better to count 10 when you are angry to avoid the usage of harsh words and to avoid tossing the metal balance, at the whim of your emotion. It is foolish to expect someone suffer from your anger. As a famous saying goes,
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Budhdha
Never reply when you are angry, never make a promise when you are happy. Never make decision when you are sad.
If there is a situation where there is a negotiation and you get angry, just stop and say that you will come back on that point instead of speaking. This will prevent you from unnecessary stress and tension which may arise out of the discussion.
Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
The mind thinks 10 times faster, when you are angry you speak without thinking.
Anger hurts therefore it is good to try and manage it effectively.
Analyze the reasons. Think about situations in the past when you became angry. Identify similarity of some reasons when you become angry. Understanding the bodily signs like perspiration, palpitations, throbbing headaches while being angry help you to prevent similar situations. Stop and think, think and speak, if there is a situation which is not so good, stop and think, repeat to yourself, take deep breath, slow breathing would make you feel better. All meditation techniques help ease out anger and makes you a calmer person overall. Practicing meditation is one of the prime solutions for winning over anger.
ACT Never REACT.
When you ACT you use your mind when you REACT you loose your mind.
Thinking and Speaking is acting, avoiding reaction is always better.
If you practice this, keep on observing the situations, there would be a lot of improvement.
Remind yourself that Life is a continuous game, life is a continuous learning.
Thanks for reading.